There is a quote that goes something like this: the quality of your conversations is the quality of your life. Few of us wake up in the morning with a clear sense of who we might end up having a conversation with. At least not the agenda free variety. Sure you might be leading a meeting, or gearing up for “that conversation” you wish you didn’t have to have, but beyond that we rarely set out to have rich and meaningful conversations about anything. This, I think, is a real shame and a missed opportunity to add value to our own lives and the lives of others. Statistics tell us that parents spend on average no more than 10 minutes per week-in conversation with their children. And in the work force conversation is being reduced e-mails, text messages and tweets. An unhurried conversations leads to unpredictable discoveries; it facilitates social bonding, and puts people in touch with their own and other peoples’ values, assumptions, ideas and strategies. The fact is we all know when we have had a good conversation because we leave bigger and better for having had it. Perhaps it’s time to take inventory of the quality of your conversations. Are you providing openings for dialogue? Are you giving people your attention? Are you using conversation strategically to boost creativity and innovation? Are you deepening your relationships through sharing and listening?

John Wooden defines success as “peace of mind attained only through self satisfaction in knowing you did the best of which you’re capable”. So often we look to others to validate our sense of self. We confuse reputation (what others perceive)  with character (who we really are). This reversed logic makes if very difficult to pursue our truest aims as we are forever seeking to please others. But what if we were to  consider the notion of self satisfaction in knowing we did our best? How would this change the way we work, love, live, play, pray?

There was a brief summary article in the Vancouver Sun today about the recently published study by Ernst and Young called Groundbreakers: Using the Strength of Women to Rebuild the World Economy. I wanted to learn more about it and found this: Enjoy.

GROUNDBREAKERS

Keeping track of what is important can be very challenging, especially when there is so much other less important stuff to keep track of. I have been struggling with this lately. And so have my clients. Every day we are bombarded with dire predictions, very real dilemmas and devastating circumstances stemming from the complex assortment of economic, social, ecological and emotional happenings. This comes hand-in-hand with tender encounters,  bursting buds of spring, the sound of laughter, babies being born, heart ache, memory, desire, and of course the hugely annoying fact that we are simply exhausted from the relentless task of  choosing brand A over brand B….X,Y,Z (think toothpaste aisle). Much of the time it seems we have a handle on things. Our ability to multitask is held in high regard and being busy is a badge of honor.

But what about the important things? To investigate this questions  I suggest doing a thorough Attention Inventory of your current mental and physical activity. What specifically holds your attention throughout the day? Explore a typical day from beginning to end and review what captured your attention. This can be a very sobering exercise. You are likely to discover the degree to which you are fully, or not-so-fully present with people, issues and ideas. And this inventory will reveal to you the extent to which you are or aren’t  attending to the things that matter most. To get me started on my own Attention Inventory I am committing, this very minute, to a spend some time every evening answering the extraordinary and thoughtful questions that the late poet/philosopher John O’Donohue composed– I invite you to do the same. Your comments and insights will be very much appreciated.

What dreams did I create last night?
Where did my eyes linger today?
Where was I blind?
Where was I hurt without anyone noticing?
What did I learn today?
What did I read?
What new thoughts visited me?
What differences did I notice in those closest to me?
Whom did I neglect?
Where did I neglect myself?
What did I begin today that might endure?
How were my conversations?
What did I do today for the poor and excluded?
Did I remember the dead today?
Where could I have exposed myself to the risk of something different?
Where did I allow myself to receive love?
With whom today did I feel most myself?
What reached me today? How deep did it imprint?
Who saw me today?
What visitations had I from the past and from the future?
What did I avoid today?
From the evidence—why was I given this day?